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In Part One (entitled “Einstein, Chaplin, Tolstoy & Me?!”). I outlined all the ways I have discovered that will guarantee you will not win the coveted Canadian prize, The Governor General’s Performing Arts Award ($15,000.00), about which I’m now the world’s expert on how not to win it.
Now here are an additional 1001 ways guaranteed for me not to win the Big Enchilada:
Being referred to by your peers and fellow performers, and by critics and commentators, in glowing terms does not cut it either. TO WIT:
- “a Canadian broadcasting legend”
- “a showman, always sunny”
- “the Zeus of TV weathermen”
- “a chalk-tossing whirling dervish”
- “can talk the ears off a field of corn”
- “makes a ballet of lows and highs”
- “bold choreographer of the winds and clouds”
- “broke the mould”
- “one of Canada’s most skilled interviewers”
- “a hit who lasted 30 years”
- “his shtick a stick of chalk”
- “funny, engaging, odd persona”
- “known for his weather wisdom and garrulous wit”
- “grating out the forecasts, spattering the chalk dust everywhere”
- “something comforting seeing old Percy there night after night”
- “talk of the town if he missed the chalk. He seldom did”
- “his brash buoyant way captured the fancy of viewers”
- “the first great star of English Canadian TV”
- “the most famous weatherman of them all”
- “his fast talking quick wit earned him the title of ‘Mr. Weather’”
- “the Crocodile Hunter of his profession”
- “made the Weather Map a dramatic work of Art”
- “one of the most interesting and distinctive personalities on Canadian TV”
- “tuned him in for the pleasure of his company”
- “one of the Country’s best-loved TV personalities”
- “he has benefited all Canadians”
- “a pioneer, a beacon, outstanding in Canadian broadcasting”
- “an inspiration to Canadians”
- “an outstanding Canadian”
- “to many Canadians he was a friend”
- “he remained in Canada notwithstanding attractive offers from the USA”
- “stands out as one of the most effervescent personalities who graced our airwaves”
- “his style and wit made the weather more intelligible”
- “one of Canada’s most effective interviewers”
- “I have seen weather persons in both the USA and England do their stuff but none was able to bring the weather as alive as he did”
- “a pioneer in Canadian TV with his unique contributions of talents and abilities”
- “an admired personality and a very professional meteorologist”
- “I was inspired as a young broadcaster by the personable ease with which ‘Canada’s Weatherman’ approached his vast audience”
- “a most learned and professional man who superbly made Canadians understand the intricacies, not to say mysteries, of weather”
- “a most important contributor to the culture of Canadians”
- “a pioneer in the creation of Canadian TV”
- “created the TV weather format in Canada”
- “one of the first broadcasters to bring an awareness of the environment and ecology to the TV viewers across Canada”
- “earned the respect of leading scientists and researchers in the field”
- “one of Canada’s best loved personalities”
- “for 50 years has been of great service to the country and to the people of Canada”
- “for three decades a unifying force as one of the most widely recognized personalities in the country”
- “undertook his task with intelligence, integrity, and humor”
- “made a distinguished contribution to the country”
- “a major figure in the broadcasting world”
- “played a pivotal role in establishing ACTRA as the strong and vital representative of the actors and writers in Canada”
- “as one of ACTRA”s early presidents, he put the institution on a firm and substantial footing”
- “his lifetime contribution to the Canadian entertainment scene is worthy of Canada’s highest honor”
- “has had a very special place in the development of Canadian television”
- “a superb weatherman, better than, any in the United States and not since matched in Canada”
- “his skill and quickness of wit helped many appreciate how good Canadian programming could be”
- “he personally created very special bonds with viewers”
- “through his unique qualities as a performer, he has done much for Canadian television”
- “He has been a fine professional influence and has contributed greatly to the cause of television and to the high standards of the medium”
- “Percy was a true pioneer. I was fascinated by his lucid explanation of fronts, highs and lows”
- “an expert, a scientist, and a gifted explainer”
- “many people – teachers, scientists, engineers were captivated by Percy”
- “he turned a lot of Canadians to the idea that scientists, especially in meteorology, geography, and climatology, could be exciting”
- “one of the most beloved personalities in the media”
- “at the peak of his career, Percy turned down a lucrative job with NBC-TV in New York to stay in Canada”
- “his unique contribution to Canadian life makes him exceptional”
- “Percy’s reputation as one of the finest and best meteorological instructors in the British Commonwealth Air Training Plan (BCATP) was well merited”
- “he played an important and successful role in converting the Canadian Meteorological Service from a war footing to a peacetime operation”
- “he was a brilliant pioneer in establishing a post-war public weather service in radio and television across Canada”
- “his meteorological program on TV was the best such program in North America”
- “there is nothing in television which comes close to the professional and entertaining presentation which Percy pioneered”
- “he pioneered the intelligent TV interview of visiting celebrities in Canada and achieved a standard of professionalism, penetration and fairness which has only been equaled by Patrick Watson”
- “I must stress that Percy made these contributions to radio and TV while continuing his full-time professional role with distinction at the Weather Office”
- “the first popular TV Weatherman, beginning a record-setting 30-year stint that would make him one of our best loved personalities”
- “with his easy-going manner, he simplified meteorology, translating its complexity into layman’s terms, with a swish of the chalk”
- “in the stone age of television, the face of television meteorology was a balding man with thick glasses, who catches the chalk he uses to cover the map with bewildering scrawls and squiggles”
- “we’ve come along way from Percy Saltzman; the progress is not measured solely by the fact that the supper hour babe/hunk is a lot more eye-pleasing than the old CBC prognosticator”
- “Percy boasted: ‘I’m proud to be the first TV weatherman and the first to use satellite weather data; the first to throw-up on air (chalk, that is); the first with no glass in my glasses. I once did the weather with my fly open. No one noticed. Proving that sex comes second to science. Also, as Winston Spencer Churchill said, ‘dead birds don’t fall out of the nests’”
So, a whole barrel of bouquets, not a brickbat in a carload. But not enough to win the G.G.P.A.A.!!!
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